today when i was going home
i had a recognition
that i am lonely forever
you know it often happens with people within
the age of twenty and thirty just usual
with the changing of seasons i turn more and more obnoxious
sorrily i cannot find myself
i’m just wandering around my grief all the time
oh what i grieve what i grieve i don’t know
but i grieve every day for myself for my people and the world itself
and i can be me
i can be anyone
i can pretend that i’m no longer human
how dare you say that life is so brief i already
feel like a hundred year old man
without even one moment of wisdom
when you don’t know what to give
you just stare and giggle at the
questions and answers of all
illusional delusional immovable removable
every matter in the heart is sublime
i always run out of words before time
like old chinese wisdoms
the dream of zhuangzi
and ancient greek gods playing with my fate
this long existence on which we debate
why do we write and read all these books and stories
when we can’t even say hi to our neighbors
i heard a song some weeks ago that said
i only wanna be a relief
that is the line what i have searched for
from the start of my life
i wanna be the way the redemption but my actions
don’t really apply to this moral
it just goes out to nowhere so often
so often so often so often
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